So scared of getting older... I'm only good at being young

My days as a high schooler are in the single digits, and mom is talking to me about sheets.
I'm going to be at my COLLEGE orientation in three weeks, and I'm still worried about what I'm going to say on my synthesis essay on Wednesday.
I'm going to be 19 years old in four months, 13 days and one and a half hours, and I still have sooo much growing up to do.
I have a love in my heart that is over flowing more and more every day, and I didn't know what to get her for her 18Th Birthday.
I've been all over the world, but the only place I want to be anymore is in her arms.
I do everything I can to stay pure, but the stench of lust and desire burns my nostrils like that really hot yellow stuff at Asian restaurants.
I want to be older so bad, but I'm clinging to my youth with every ounce of strength I have left.
I want to write, but I have nothing to say.
I want to play, but every things already been played at least twice already.
I want to stare into her eyes, but I'm ashamed because she knows everything behind my eyes.
I want to sleep, but I don't want to miss anything.

Goodnight.