Dear Mom, I Already Miss You

Holding hands as we enter the class

With faces and names I do not know.

You smile a smile that says "Don't you worry."

And that is enough to hush the butterflies.

I walk the path with my infant feet

Crawling, falling, stumbling, and bawling;

But all along your hands stay ready

To keep me from danger, and failure, and fire.

My spirit grows as fast as my bones,

And my stride moves me faster than ever.

I stand tall, like a Red Wood

Just waiting to bloom.

Now my heart takes one beat

As it realizes a truth.

The coming excitement of spring

Neglects the absence of your hands.

One beat.

One beat.

One beat.

This never made much sense to me...

For some reason or another, I feel a lot less inclined to do something when someone else tells me to do it. I know that is really silly, and 11 times out of 10 I end up doing what is asked of me anyway, but I still resent being told what to do. Today I went to church, cleaned my car, and picked up all of Lucy's presents in the back yard. No one told me to do any of those things, I just did it. Now don't think I'm bragging... I have a point.


I will be the first person to tell you that I am REALLY lazy. I hate moving my body if I feel it to be unnecessary. I love sleeping in so late that your neck and shoulders are stiff. I love the word brunch, cause when you wake up at noon you still want breakfast, but lunch smells really good too.
However, when I get myself up and actually do something with my day, whether its writing a song or picking up dog doo, I feel a lot better with my self. As much as being a lazy polar bear all day is awesome, I usually feel pretty useless at the end of those days; knowing I could have done something to change the world, or at least my bed. My message for today is that I love doing things that I normally wouldn't do, and seeing that my work is good.

I'll Be Just Fine Here

To make up for my previous Debbie-of-a-downer blog, here is take two.

I love how jovial everyone is at the end of the year; soaking up every last memory they can before they run into the wall of reality that takes away many of the ones they love.

I played cards with a couple wonderful people today, people I will all miss very dearly when I'm gone, and we simply enjoyed our time and laughed until our sides hurt. (Well I did anyway.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is its not over till the fat lady (gives me my diploma)... I mean sings, so lets live it up a bit more before the curtain closes.

So scared of getting older... I'm only good at being young

My days as a high schooler are in the single digits, and mom is talking to me about sheets.
I'm going to be at my COLLEGE orientation in three weeks, and I'm still worried about what I'm going to say on my synthesis essay on Wednesday.
I'm going to be 19 years old in four months, 13 days and one and a half hours, and I still have sooo much growing up to do.
I have a love in my heart that is over flowing more and more every day, and I didn't know what to get her for her 18Th Birthday.
I've been all over the world, but the only place I want to be anymore is in her arms.
I do everything I can to stay pure, but the stench of lust and desire burns my nostrils like that really hot yellow stuff at Asian restaurants.
I want to be older so bad, but I'm clinging to my youth with every ounce of strength I have left.
I want to write, but I have nothing to say.
I want to play, but every things already been played at least twice already.
I want to stare into her eyes, but I'm ashamed because she knows everything behind my eyes.
I want to sleep, but I don't want to miss anything.

Goodnight.

Dear God...

May I first say that God is AWESOME!?! He reveals his love and his plans for us in so many beautiful and unexpected ways. Now what can we do to show our Lord, our creator and savior, just how much we truly appreciate his gifts to us? Well there is a really wonderful and convenient way to do that. It even has a name.

Prayer

Prayer is a way for us to connect to God in a conversational manner. GOD, the creator of mighty rivers and air conditioning (Thanks SOOOO much for that one!) simply wants you to look to him and say "Thanks you Lord, that I am alive." There are many many ways to pray; such as sitting down, laying down, eyes closed, eyes open, head down, hands folded, lifted, pressed to your streaming eyes, out loud, or silent, etc.

But God doesn't care HOW you pray, He just wants to hear from you. He's not going to ignore you because you weren't kneeling or you sitting up straight enough. He just wants to have a nice talk with you.

Now I would like to talk about a form of prayer that I have taken a great interest in. The Rosary is something a lot of people seem to misunderstand. I guess that goes along with the "Catholics pray to Mary" thing (which is inaccurate) but I'll get into that some other time. I find that when I pray the Rosary, I am more focused on what I am praying about and I feel a stronger connection with the things on my heart and the matters of my prayers. Yes, it is a little bit of a longer way to pray, but I never really pay much attention to the length. I find myself caught up in the words, and I feel like I truly mean what I'm saying when It takes me a little longer.

Prayer is something that I used to (and sometimes still do) struggle with. But the more you work on your prayer life, the better you get at it. I love to pray because its the best way to let God know that I love him, and I love the people that He has put in my life.